Time is so fLeEting that I never thougHt it's almOst 3yrS froM the time that we broke up and yet here i am...still cAring mOre than u do...that my fEelings 4u still never cease(d)...
Others think such a damN stUpidity buT the hell do i cAre 'coz that's what I'm fEeling.hehehe
Our "Nov.20 to Nov.30,07" is such a crazY thouGht 4 otherS buT dEfinitely nOT 4me...I greatly appReciate and will never 4get those times wherein the feElings are/were muTual...
I learneD to value gambling when it coMes to love...that loving sum1 is nOt as soMething idEal nor coNstant...
Thus,it's soMething u should treasure while it exists...I was and will never be tireD to say that I still cAre...
that I'm still learning to let u go buT I just can't...perhapS soOn buT nOt nOw.
My subCoNscious mind supPresSed all the negative thougHts aBouT you and lift up all the liGhter sidE...that in oNe way or anOther,perhapS u still cAre...perhapS you're fEeling the same way.
I'm 4ever grateFul for u taught me the insurmOuntaBle and indEscribAble magicAl fEeling of TRUE LOVE...How i wish you're fEeling the same way buT I'm toO afraid to ask u 4 i hate the fEeling of being rejecteD thougH iknOw that "pain" will always be part when u love...
As loNG as I cAn still keEP this fEeling I'll hold oN...buT if time coMes you'll tell me 2stop then I'll slowly learn to aCcept it...
Hope u apPreciate my worth of who i really am that is withouT setTing coNditioNS for--- "loving someone should be uncoNditioNal...
"It's truly difFicult to show u or in letTing you knOw that i undEniaBly cAre because of distance and laCk of coMmunicAtioN...that amidst the tranquility of my inNocent yet exploring mind...I'LL never be tireD nOr hesitant 2tell that "i love u" ...
Nevertheless.....it's so pointless for me to be stupid all over and over again...should allow this subconcious mind to evolve and have all the time in this earthly life to correct one's mistake and look forward for what lies ahead....with the foreseen optimistic stoke!=)
I guesS it isn't over.."Hearts Day 2011" wen u finally said that "u still love me" .... :)
and on my 24th birthday we've decided to continue and to put more value on what we've started during college days....
I just hope and pray that this time---
"everything will work out between us through ups and downs" ...."the 2nd time around"....
ilove you my dee-ingsoy!=)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
PAUSE!
<< posted on Sunday, November 7,2010 at 2:06am -1 of my notes from my fb account>>
At the break of dawn,here i am...wandering b4 going 2sleep...
No matter what we or will do in our lives we should take time to PAUSE!
In silence,I'm at peaCe and sincerely meDitating...but
With noise,I'm exploring with much excitement...
In life,we may feel insanely rejected or greatly apPreciateD...yet 1thing is 4sure...life is all aBouT making choices and living with it-NO IFs and BUTs!
year 2010 is aBouT 2end and yet I'm still out of nOwhere...
one who is curRently pReocCupied with what or who i really wanteD to be... coNsidEring nOt just short-term buT loNG-term goals in this earthly lifE....
i wanted 2go 2a secret place where there's pampering touch of the coOl breEze wherein i can undEniaBly shouT all my questioNs!pains! and disapPointments! against the ruling mOuntains...
I'm still left unanswereD buT i'll mOve mOuntains 2seEk answerS...=)
GOD bless to all......
At the break of dawn,here i am...wandering b4 going 2sleep...
No matter what we or will do in our lives we should take time to PAUSE!
In silence,I'm at peaCe and sincerely meDitating...but
With noise,I'm exploring with much excitement...
In life,we may feel insanely rejected or greatly apPreciateD...yet 1thing is 4sure...life is all aBouT making choices and living with it-NO IFs and BUTs!
year 2010 is aBouT 2end and yet I'm still out of nOwhere...
one who is curRently pReocCupied with what or who i really wanteD to be... coNsidEring nOt just short-term buT loNG-term goals in this earthly lifE....
i wanted 2go 2a secret place where there's pampering touch of the coOl breEze wherein i can undEniaBly shouT all my questioNs!pains! and disapPointments! against the ruling mOuntains...
I'm still left unanswereD buT i'll mOve mOuntains 2seEk answerS...=)
GOD bless to all......
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
MY special NATAL DAY!=)
"i thank u all guys 4 greeting me in my 23rd birthday 2day march10 wed!.... i appreciate u all... you're all wonderdul people in my life!=) hehehe life rocks yeah! GOD BLESS!=)"
now another year was added to my life?? what else should i ask for?? what challenges and surprises that waits ahead??
i guess there's nothing to ask... than just being proud of what i have in the present and will just strive harder to excel in every goal i'm setting....
in this earthly life, it's so unworthy to be pessimistic rather than doing one's best to lean on the positive light...being optimistic!
yes i'm already 23 yet still many questions were unanswered and many dreams to be unfolded...sooner or later i will...!
i'm just a simple dreamer with this continued passion to do what's right and just,,,
i'm an angel and beast in one persona-very contradicting in nature !!!
nevertheless, my imperfection calculated that i became and will become even more stronger with every experience i have had and will later have...
and to that-- i'm always grateful!=)
i deeply and genuinely thank u all 4 sharing your life with me and i look forward to have u in the next years to come....
GOD BLESS!=)
----marj
now another year was added to my life?? what else should i ask for?? what challenges and surprises that waits ahead??
i guess there's nothing to ask... than just being proud of what i have in the present and will just strive harder to excel in every goal i'm setting....
in this earthly life, it's so unworthy to be pessimistic rather than doing one's best to lean on the positive light...being optimistic!
yes i'm already 23 yet still many questions were unanswered and many dreams to be unfolded...sooner or later i will...!
i'm just a simple dreamer with this continued passion to do what's right and just,,,
i'm an angel and beast in one persona-very contradicting in nature !!!
nevertheless, my imperfection calculated that i became and will become even more stronger with every experience i have had and will later have...
and to that-- i'm always grateful!=)
i deeply and genuinely thank u all 4 sharing your life with me and i look forward to have u in the next years to come....
GOD BLESS!=)
----marj
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
TREASURE!
they might say that being an eldest is tough as it encompasses the truth of being slave with much responsibities or commonly mistaken as a burden in one's life,,,,
before yes! but not at all!
should i say this as a blessing in disguise!...
at first, i thought being an eldest will eat u up as pride kills human...
neverthless, being someone as can stand as one of the frameworks of a big family is such a treasure no matter how strong/responsible/ wEak/immature person u are!
being an eldest made me:
find hope in every pain....
find sunshine in every rainfall...
find courage in every problem...
whatever u become is the result of one's choice whether requires taking risks or going with the flow or being easy-go-lucky...
we all have contradicting or at times has same perspectives in life
but one thing i may say as sure....
that my being eldest is like politics which tastes like "sh..Ts" as the unending corruption or evolve as the figure of freedom...
freedom....freewill...a good choice!
imagine being the strength of your weak mother and the reasonable critic of your insensitive seemingly dependent father....
we all learn from each other....
learning from each other's mistake and rejoicing in one's success big or small!=)
whatever this may lead me still i count this as my noble role and i will always be proud....
always see the beauty of your family's presence....
nevertheless, i always thank GOD 4 giving me such wonderful people in my life-my family!
i may at times hate the worries but NEVER will i leave them hanging...
imagine me as the plant that needs his roots to live-that's how my family means to me...i also owe this earthly life to them!
i can cry..laugh..live...sacrifice and rejoice for them!=)
>>>marj
before yes! but not at all!
should i say this as a blessing in disguise!...
at first, i thought being an eldest will eat u up as pride kills human...
neverthless, being someone as can stand as one of the frameworks of a big family is such a treasure no matter how strong/responsible/ wEak/immature person u are!
being an eldest made me:
find hope in every pain....
find sunshine in every rainfall...
find courage in every problem...
whatever u become is the result of one's choice whether requires taking risks or going with the flow or being easy-go-lucky...
we all have contradicting or at times has same perspectives in life
but one thing i may say as sure....
that my being eldest is like politics which tastes like "sh..Ts" as the unending corruption or evolve as the figure of freedom...
freedom....freewill...a good choice!
imagine being the strength of your weak mother and the reasonable critic of your insensitive seemingly dependent father....
we all learn from each other....
learning from each other's mistake and rejoicing in one's success big or small!=)
whatever this may lead me still i count this as my noble role and i will always be proud....
always see the beauty of your family's presence....
nevertheless, i always thank GOD 4 giving me such wonderful people in my life-my family!
i may at times hate the worries but NEVER will i leave them hanging...
imagine me as the plant that needs his roots to live-that's how my family means to me...i also owe this earthly life to them!
i can cry..laugh..live...sacrifice and rejoice for them!=)
>>>marj
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
PATIENTLY...
though my heart is sleeping for years STILL
i just don't hurry love...
i actually miss the gift of being into a relationship but not my priority these days...
i strongly believe that each thing will fall into places at the right time...
in due time i still believe that one day in a rainy sky that guy will be mine....
who is he?? that i don't know: where he lives? what are his likes and dislikes in some aspects? his strengths and weaknesses? other stuff about him?
'coz finding true love maybe difficult to find especially if we tend to be idealistic...
nevertheless, i also believe that love will just come when u didn't or least expect it....
saying yes to a man can be attached on questioning one's mind will he take care of my heart or he will just break it like what my ex did or will my ex make it whole again...?!
it might be so true that the best thing of being broken is the time when you were totally healed from pain...
just step up and you'll find your own way to the right match....
i don't care how long it takes for this fate to bring my heart to its glowy state again...
if that man will come,i will be very blessed
but if not,well still same feelings..
i guess what matters is you enjoyed every little blessing and learned from every mistake with or without that significant other or special person....
each thing in this earthly life namely wonderful family, reliable friends, supportive officemates and reasonable critics can be all so SPECIAL....
i still thank my being SINGLE ....
anyway it's just about being PATIENT.....
>>>marj
Thursday, October 29, 2009
At LaSt!
Now I don’t even miss you…
nor feel or felt the excitement when i’m with you…
it might be because of letting me feel that’s ought to be done….=)
well i’m not blaming you ‘coz it’s not your fault nor my fault…
i actually would like to say thank you….
now i have a peace of mind!
GOD BLESS u!=)
one thing I’ve learned- we can still be happy even if our hearts are not owned by special someone same as we owned one!=)
just enjoy life! everything has a perfect timing with the one truly meant for us…=)
>>>marj
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
IRONIC DECISION!
..After 5 months we met again with our close friends in college....
I felt the excitement of seeing you yet doubting the real you...
You're always with your mask ; leaving blank images to the people who knew you....
When I saw you with my two very eyes feeling every puff of smoke I began to ask , is that the real you??
I don't want to be judgmental 'coz "smoking doesn't make you less as a person per se" but i wished to see you realize the beauty of staying away from that vice... but it's your choice... that's you....
You've changed a lot same as I do...
Reality strikes me with the wink of an eye that I miss the old you but amazed of the new you- not with your vice but the eagerness to excel with your passion and long-term goals in life....
When we're left alone, I thought that' s the chance of asking unanswered questions but you never tried to ask a single question nor clarification that may pertain that you might care...
I..........
wished to personally say sorry for all the times I also became immature..
wished for you to say personally that you didn't feel same way as I do to directly lessen the pain...
wished to tell you how much hurt that were poured unto me every time you've taken my efforts for granted as if my feelings didn't matter to you ...
wished to slap your face for not being so frank to me but don't have the right to hurt you...
wished to say my feelings for you never ceased as you wished to have it ended...
wished to embrace you and whisper in your ears--THANK YOU 4 being part of my heart that once you were mine,,,
on the contrary, such funny thoughts to remember that we were together only for more than 3 weeks then but what matters is- we've been good friends more than 4 years up to present tested through time....
I guess this solitary feelings might end by saying thank you and I will never regret that you'll always be special...
with the gestures you've shown .. I can feel that we cannot be together,.. you always make me feel that I can't be part of your future plans nor you won't allow me to be there if you need someone to lean on and celebrating your success in life.....
But please don't think that I was never happy for you...
YOU aren't right if you think that I never wished for you to find the woman that will fill your heart with much gladness and contentment that you didn't see nor find in me before till now...
it's just fine I know I will be alright...
it's a matter of time... time will be so fleeting that one day I'll get over you and you'll be happy for me too...
you were wrong when you thought I already gave my heart to mr."E ... ..
you were wrong when you thought that I already gave you up...
but I guess these aren't right to continue if I'll be into one-sided love...
It can be so wrong to fight for something not fighting for,,,
I did my best to let you know how much you mean to me but it wasn't enough for you to stay away as you being numb and insensitive.....
THE ART OF LETTING GO--- will be my answer to never expect for anything in return especially never assume for the things that aren't meant to happen,,,,
this isn't goodbye 'coz I'll always stay as your true friend who will be giving unconditional love,,,,a friend who will be more than a lover ,,,a friend who will always be there supporting you as time goes by ,
If i will see you in the aisle with your special girl I'll be very happy for you; though it might hurt still acceptance is the best way for me to let you go far from my reach,,.
every tear that will fall from my eyes will always be a reminder that loving you is a gift! =)
opening my heart for something new.... for another history of my heart to fall in love is a must; it might not be you in the future,.,..still it will always be you that will remind me that true love is not about happy ending but having and treasuring the gift that once in my past i feel in love--this will be me saying thank you from the future perspective....
thank you for allowing me to love you,,,,
but never pity me please...
'coz one day this will be over i know i can....=)
>>> marj
I felt the excitement of seeing you yet doubting the real you...
You're always with your mask ; leaving blank images to the people who knew you....
When I saw you with my two very eyes feeling every puff of smoke I began to ask , is that the real you??
I don't want to be judgmental 'coz "smoking doesn't make you less as a person per se" but i wished to see you realize the beauty of staying away from that vice... but it's your choice... that's you....
You've changed a lot same as I do...
Reality strikes me with the wink of an eye that I miss the old you but amazed of the new you- not with your vice but the eagerness to excel with your passion and long-term goals in life....
When we're left alone, I thought that' s the chance of asking unanswered questions but you never tried to ask a single question nor clarification that may pertain that you might care...
I..........
wished to personally say sorry for all the times I also became immature..
wished for you to say personally that you didn't feel same way as I do to directly lessen the pain...
wished to tell you how much hurt that were poured unto me every time you've taken my efforts for granted as if my feelings didn't matter to you ...
wished to slap your face for not being so frank to me but don't have the right to hurt you...
wished to say my feelings for you never ceased as you wished to have it ended...
wished to embrace you and whisper in your ears--THANK YOU 4 being part of my heart that once you were mine,,,
on the contrary, such funny thoughts to remember that we were together only for more than 3 weeks then but what matters is- we've been good friends more than 4 years up to present tested through time....
I guess this solitary feelings might end by saying thank you and I will never regret that you'll always be special...
with the gestures you've shown .. I can feel that we cannot be together,.. you always make me feel that I can't be part of your future plans nor you won't allow me to be there if you need someone to lean on and celebrating your success in life.....
But please don't think that I was never happy for you...
YOU aren't right if you think that I never wished for you to find the woman that will fill your heart with much gladness and contentment that you didn't see nor find in me before till now...
it's just fine I know I will be alright...
it's a matter of time... time will be so fleeting that one day I'll get over you and you'll be happy for me too...
you were wrong when you thought I already gave my heart to mr."E ... ..
you were wrong when you thought that I already gave you up...
but I guess these aren't right to continue if I'll be into one-sided love...
It can be so wrong to fight for something not fighting for,,,
I did my best to let you know how much you mean to me but it wasn't enough for you to stay away as you being numb and insensitive.....
THE ART OF LETTING GO--- will be my answer to never expect for anything in return especially never assume for the things that aren't meant to happen,,,,
this isn't goodbye 'coz I'll always stay as your true friend who will be giving unconditional love,,,,a friend who will be more than a lover ,,,a friend who will always be there supporting you as time goes by ,
If i will see you in the aisle with your special girl I'll be very happy for you; though it might hurt still acceptance is the best way for me to let you go far from my reach,,.
every tear that will fall from my eyes will always be a reminder that loving you is a gift! =)
opening my heart for something new.... for another history of my heart to fall in love is a must; it might not be you in the future,.,..still it will always be you that will remind me that true love is not about happy ending but having and treasuring the gift that once in my past i feel in love--this will be me saying thank you from the future perspective....
thank you for allowing me to love you,,,,
but never pity me please...
'coz one day this will be over i know i can....=)
>>> marj
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